Troy on Myth and Legend

An Intro

You are Aphrodite, the Goddess of Love and Beauty. You are generally bored with things and this is definitely an amusing diversion. More than likely there will be some mortals to toy with along the way, and of course the company of a few men to pass the time with.

Heroes

Cupid has always been prone to merriment such as this, so he was your first choice. Aeneas was a Trojan Hero, so you figure that he'll be a good one for fighting battles and all that serious stuff.

Minos

Your eye wanders to the King of Crete, Minos. He's a handsome man who is reportedly very talented. Curious you go and find out how talented he is. The rumors were true and you reward his various talents with a few well proportioned diversions within his castle.

Pasiphae

It seems that Mino's wife, Pasiphae has decided to bad mouth you for giving him rewards. Angered you pay her a visit. "For your prudish behavior I'm going to give you a little desire - for bulls. After all that's what this is." You leave her stunned, feeling pleased with yourself.

Eggs

You hear about Leda, the woman who gave birth to two eggs. That Helen is very beautiful, and it's apparent that her father is Zeus. Wonder how Hera is taking all of this, but you're sure that she's just not very happy at all.

Minotaur

What a hoot! It appears that Pasiphae convinced an advisor to create a costume that would attract a bull! Well it worked and she gave birth to the Minotaur! Minos is extremely ticked off and has put the two of them in a labyrinth. How much more hysterical could this get?

Ares

Bored you decide to go visit Ares. He always has something going on. Not to mention he's really cute with bulging muscles. Showing up at his place you notice that he's just as bored as you are. Seems the peasants got upset about all of those raids. You cheer him up with some nightly activities.

Baby

Ugh! Now you're pregnant! Seems that night with Ares had more than one side effect. Well, this should be an interesting experience. After the first bout of morning sickness, swelling, irritability and the rest of the pregnancy nonsense you decide enough is enough. Time for a cute bundle of joy.

Present

Ares stops by quickly to see his new little girl. He seems upset that she's not butch and tough and all that nonsense. Good, you'll have fun dressing her up in pretty silks and ribbons. At least he gave you a nice present.

Grow up!

Well, this baby thing was cute - for about 10 seconds. Then she threw up all over your favorite dress. That's it. No more mommy nonsense. Bing! She's an adult. Much better, now you two can go shopping together, she has all of her emotional trauma out of the way and is on her own. Whew!

Pitho

Lucky for you she grew up. There is an extremely handsome young man named Pitho. You show him the joys of being with the Goddess of Love. This is the way things should be. Except for that fertility thing! This has got to stop! At least you have another perfect daughter to go shopping with.

Lambskin

You've been thinking on the topic since your second child. It seems that people should be able to fool around and not have kids every single time. It's really hurting your god business. There must be something to help stop the process. The rest of the day is spent in deep thought.

Eureka!

It comes to you in a dream. Lambskin over him will work wonderfully! Quickly you go about and collect some lambskin. Fashioning it to fit a male you try a few styles and finally settle on one that works. Excited you rush over to show Zeus. You know he'll be needing one soon.

Invention

You run over and tell Zeus about your invention. He doesn't quite get it at first, but after a little explaining he's overjoyed at the idea of a lambskin. So overjoyed in fact that he gives you a few crystals for your efforts. What a great day!

Dionysus

During the feast in your honor you sample some of Dionysus's wine. It's rather good and quite strong. The two of you find a quiet spot in his lands and drink to love, wine and good cheer. Eventually the evening goes the way it should during such a festival.

This time

This time you decide that maybe you should carry this one all the way through. Mainly because Dionysus said you looked really cute in maternity wear. You agree, as the Goddess of love and beauty you look cute at any time. Of course it's going to be all uncomfortable for a while.

Hera

Hera pays you a visit to see how things are going. She knows that you're not all that happy with the situation, but are toughing it out. You complain about back pain, swelling, puffiness, and those horrible stretch marks. It's so annoying having perfect babies all the time. This has got to stop!

Blight

Hera returns a few days later, a strange look on her face. She smiles ever so sweetly and says she knows a way to ease your pains. She rubs your belly and you feel something strange happen. She chuckles to herself on the way out. Confused you decide it's time for this baby to pop out.

Witch!

That witch! She blighted your perfect baby boy. Now he's hideous and awful. Twisted and wretched you are ashamed to even look upon him. While trying to figure out what to do Zeus arrives. He takes one look at your baby and banishes him from Mt. Olympus to a shepherd's field.

Priapus

Watching your son Priapus from far away you realize he would have made a beautiful man. He should have been graceful and elegant, not a horrid twisted thing. Enraged at this injustice you decide to get even. The perfect opportunity will show itself, of this you know.

Possibility

Pacing the halls of Troy you realize that an opportunity has arisen. Paris, the King here is madly in love with Helen. She's very beautiful and very married. Not to mention he's got a few screws loose. This could be the thing.

Contest

You wander over to visit Hera. She's very busy keeping an eye Zeus. He cheated on her yet again. This time they came to some sort of agreement and have patched things up. But for how long? Using your charm and court to steer the course of beauty you broach the subject.

One down

You say ever so casually, "Well of course Athena is quite beautiful, after all she does take after her father Zeus. Many say I am the most beautiful, simply because I'm the Goddess of Love. Of course that fits you see. And still more say that you are the most beautiful because you are the Queen."

Cont.

"So I wonder who really is." Hera replies. "Maybe we should ask some mortal man." Hera offers, rising to the challenge. "You think so?" You say innocently. "Yes, I do." Hera Replies "Well I'll ask Athena if she's interested in this little Contest." You agree to ask Athena tomorrow.

Athena

It isn't too hard to get the Goddess of Competition involved in this. It'll be loads of fun. You suggest Paris, he's a King, a man of excellent taste. The three of you agree and when he gets back from his hunting expedition you'll put him to the test.

Bribe

You know exactly where Paris's hunting expedition is and pay him a little visit. Promising him Helen if he says you are the most beautiful he quickly agrees. Clapping your hands gleefully you return to the castle before anyone notices that you ever left.

The Contest

The three of you meet at Troy. Paris has gotten back from his hunting trip and is prepared to judge the beauty of three goddesses. Carefully he inspects each in turn. In the end he stops in front of Aphrodite and says, "You my dear are the fairest of them all." Enraged Hera storms out.

Helen

As promised you turn Helen over to Paris. Her husband however, has something else to say about all of this. The Trojan war begins over this extraordinarily beautiful woman. At least, if people are going to fight they should do so over beauty and love.

Not enough

Humiliating Hera just wasn't enough to quench your thirst for vengeance. You've decided that there is something even better in store for her. And this gets back Zeus for banishing your baby boy rather than fixing him. It involves that nice girl in the village, Io.

Meeting

You arrange for Cupid and his arrows to be perched in a tree out of sight. Zeus passes by the pretty woman, but only gives her one glance. As he is giving her that glance Cupid's arrow strikes, and he falls instantly in love. Of course, he makes an utter fool of himself trying to impress her.

Perfect

It's perfect. Zeus is in utter love and has decided that he's had enough of Hera and her nagging. He's madly in love with this Io and won't let her go. He's even considering making her a goddess. Gleefully you roll about the floor, laughing until tears wobble out of your eyes. How perfect!

White Heifer

Hera finds out about the whole deal and has had it up to here. Bellowing like a war train she rolls into Mt Olympus with nasty intent. Fearing that his wife is going to kill Io Zeus turns her into a white dove. Hera is so infuriated that she transforms Io into a white cow!